yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
