According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
