my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
