Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I need a beard to bite.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
