Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
