This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
