I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
