I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
