"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
