i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
