Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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