So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So many bounce houses so little time
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
