tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
