so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
