She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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