I just made out with a guy for $7.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize