Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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