Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
