u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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