Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
