If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
