happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
