Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You smell like stripper and shame
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
