I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
