How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
