So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My feet surprised me
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