her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
