Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
