My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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