Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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