im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
