evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
