I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
