i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
