So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
