At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
