you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
