So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's the barista slut.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
