ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
