Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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