No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
