When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
