I am spending my child support on dildos
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize