I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
