well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
