Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
