I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
