i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
