i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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