he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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