No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am naked and annoyed.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
