Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
