I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
