the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
