Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
