I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
