every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
