people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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