hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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