Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
