i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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