I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
