You just made me feel so damn special
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
