Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
