its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
