He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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