She announced her abortion via fbk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
