jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ladies don't puke and tell
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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