I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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