There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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