No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
