Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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