I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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