Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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