You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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