My sheets look like a crime scene.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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