I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
