i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
