It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
