Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
