doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
