Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
