I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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