sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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