I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Let's get the cat blown out
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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