but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
