All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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