Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
