Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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