I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
