and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
