At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
