Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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