I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
