i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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