we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
