I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
