what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
