How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
