that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
